What is wrong with everyone?

Ever since I came back from Genting, I feel that I have lost touch with everyone. I truly miss yee sue and judee but they don't seem to respond to my messages whenever i text them. I'm very worried about them...Kylie is always on my mind coz she seems to be slowly drifting away from God. I realize that once temptations seize us, there's no way we can run away from them and I think materialism is choking every part of her life...I hope that you guys will keep Kylie in your prayer so that she won't lose faith in God.

I need to give more time to others rather then playing Plants versus Zombies...It's like a devil living in me that my hands can barely leave my pc. It consumes so much of my time! Joy, no more addiction to this game k? You've got to put a full stop to this and start practicing spiritual discipline (that's what we've learnt from the genting retreat).

Yesterday, i learnt something about prayer from the cell meeting. Praying is an act of honesty to God. A righteous man's prayer is more effective not because he is religious in some way or he is holier than others but putting his prayer into action. Rob Bell says that we could be the answer to our prayer. We always pray for the external circumstances to change whereas we ourselves could actually internally change our perspective and attitude towards the world in which will eventually alter the circumstances around us. Good point to be contemplated over, huh...

Let's develop the habit of praying so that we will not be so 'emo' but rather do something that we can make the world a better place.

Words....

I think a lot of people agree with me that blogging can be very addictive= P...I find blogging helpful for my spiritual life. I helps me to reflect on the things I've learnt from God. Today is another same old day where I rot at home and my grandma repeats the same complaints again just like radio ad. I wonder if I would become like her one day. That sounds pretty scary...Nonetheless, I learn a valuable lesson from my grandma...

Our mouth can be a powerful weapon that it makes or breaks a person. In the bible, it says that mouth is like a rudder which controls the direction of a ship set on sailing. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison (James 3). I'm sure many of you still remember the negative things people said about you and those memories have left an indelible mark in us which make who we are today. Insecurity and low self-esteemed are the result of negative remarks which compel me to put on a hypocritical mask. Therefore, we must be very careful in our speech lest that our words affect the future of others. Instead of using this creation of God to curse or condemn people, why don't we use our mouth to praise God, to give compliments or word of gratitude to others and encourage others?

I kind of understand why my grandma reacted in this manner. It is the defense mechanism that has been activated to protect her pride and ego. The contrast between my grandma and Jesus/God is strikingly huge. Although Jesus has already existed even before the earth was formed, what He sees and experiences is definitely more than any genius in this world, but He considered Himself equal among men, just like anyone of us, and died for our sins. There is no pride or ego in Him but selfless sacrificial love...Since we are called to be more like Him, I think it's time to let go of our pride and ego and allow God to continue His work of sanctification and transformation in you and me.

Silent Lamb

Sigh...It's been three days i miss my daily routine.I feel very useless at home especially when I have nothing better to do. I have tried killing my time by reading self-motivational books, watching Korean drama (Princess Hour. I think you guys should be very familiar with this soap opera) and sending nonsense messages to my friends. I don't want to give myself a chance to think of anything stupid. Whenever my mind is blank, I will think of all sort of stupid stuff that is far beyond your imagination.

Suicidal thought attacked my mind after having an argument with my grandma. I don't like to be misunderstood and words just cannot vindicate my actions. No matter how many times i explained to my grandma, she just won't listen. I hate the feeling of not being forgiven. As I was sitting in the second hall, I found a knife on the marble table. I attempted to kill myself at that time but something was pulling me off. I knew it must be the Spirit at work. However, the feeling of anger and frustration was boiling within me and I have no where to release it. Finally, I broke down in tears inside my room and screamed on top of my voice with my mouth covered by pillow. I really thank God that Winson and my dad came in just at the right time.

After taking much time to cool down myself, the Word of God dawned on me which is Isaiah 53 (Note the verse which I have highlighted below). Although Jesus knew no sin but yet people crucified Him on the cross. When He was tried, He didn't say anything to defend Himself but He was as tame as the lamb which has been prophesied by the prophet Isaiah. He taught me not to take revenge but to taking the extra miles. An eye for an eye adage is never in the teaching of Jesus. No matter how people demean, humiliate or misunderstand me, as long as my action and conscience are right before God, I shall silence myself just like Jesus because only He alone justifies my action. May He give me strength to endure all the hard words that are going to come out from my grandma's mouth. Thank you, Jesus.

Isaiah 53

¹ Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

² He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

³ He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

⁴ Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

⁸ By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

⁹ He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

¹⁰ Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

¹¹ After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

¹² Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.